Emotions are not automatically generated by external events. Instead, they are the result of how we interpret these events. When an event occurs, it triggers an emotional response based on our personal perceptions and past experiences. This means that the same event can evoke different emotions in different people. For instance, if a friend walks by without acknowledging you, you might feel ignored or disappointed. Conversely, if someone you dislike does the same, you might feel relieved.
This distinction highlights an essential truth: you are in charge of your emotions. The event itself is neutral; it is your interpretation that gives it emotional weight. Recognizing this empowers you to regulate your emotional responses more effectively.
It's common to hear phrases like "You make me feel..." but in reality, no one has the power to make you feel anything without your consent. They might trigger emotions, but the choice of how to interpret and react to these triggers is yours. Next time you catch yourself blaming someone else for your feelings, pause and consider an alternative perspective. Ask yourself if there's a possibility to feel different.
For example, if a coworker criticizes your work, rather than immediately feeling hurt or defensive, think about what else this criticism might imply. Could it be an opportunity for growth? Could their intent be supportive rather than malicious? By exploring these possibilities, you open the door to a different emotional outcome.
Suppressing emotions can be harmful, particularly negative ones. They don't disappear; instead, they linger and can cause internal stress. The goal is not to avoid emotions but to acknowledge and manage them. This involves recognizing when an emotion surfaces, accepting it, and then processing it constructively.
Here are some practical steps to manage your emotions:
Emotions are meant to be processed, not ignored. Ignoring emotions can lead to them festering beneath the surface, affecting your mental and physical well-being. On the other hand, processing emotions involves acknowledging their presence and allowing them to flow through you.
One effective method to process emotions is through mindfulness meditation. By sitting quietly and focusing on your breath, you can observe your thoughts and emotions as they come and go. This practice can help you develop a greater awareness of your emotional patterns and learn to let go of those that don't serve you.
Understanding that you have the power to control your emotions is the first step toward emotional mastery. By changing your interpretations of events, you can alter your emotional responses. Acknowledge your emotions, manage them constructively, and allow them to be processed. This approach not only helps in reducing anxiety but also opens up pathways to a more positive and fulfilling life.
— Sandro Formica, PhD
Founder of Permanently Happy (questions at [email protected])
Keynote Speaker | Transforming Leaders & Organizations Through Positive Leadership & Personal Branding | Director, Chief Happiness Officer Certificate Program
