If you feel like you don’t fit—at work, with a group of friends, in a family—begin by strengthening your bond with yourself. Self-acceptance and respect set the tone. When you belong to you, you’re less likely to chase approval and more able to create healthy ties.
When loneliness bites, it’s tempting to reach for quick hits: scrolling, posting, counting likes. That can create a feeling of connection—then crash. Real belonging grows from consistent, honest interactions, not fluctuating metrics.
Deep, reliable bonds improve mood, resilience, and meaning. They also require attention. If connection matters, make it measurable and trainable—like any skill.
Choose five people you feel closest to—family, friends, or colleagues.
Rate each relationship from 1–10 for felt connection (1 = very low, 10 = strong).
Pick one person with a lower score to focus on this week.
Plan one concrete action to raise the score by 1 point: a call, a walk, a specific appreciation, a clear request, help with something that matters to them.
Do it and observe what changes. Repeat for the next person.
Why this works: you move from vague longing to deliberate practice. Small, specific gestures repeated over time rebuild trust and closeness.
Skip hints, guilt, or silent treatment. Instead, be clear and kind:
“I’m missing our time together. Could we do a walk this weekend?”
“I need support today. Would you be willing to handle dinner so I can finish by 8?”
Direct requests protect dignity—yours and theirs—and make collaboration possible.
Where do you feel least connected—and what do you need more of (time, honesty, play, support)?
What one request or appreciation could you share today?
Which boundary would make a current relationship feel safer and closer?
Belonging begins inside, then extends outward. Practice self-belonging, avoid metrics-as-meaning, and choose one small, consistent action to deepen a real relationship this week. Connection grows where you tend it.
— Sandro Formica, PhD
Founder of Permanently Happy (questions at [email protected])
Keynote Speaker | Transforming Leaders & Organizations Through Positive Leadership & Personal Branding | Director, Chief Happiness Officer Certificate Program
Happiness Fundamentals | Needs | Values | Talents & Skills | Thoughts & Beliefs | Emotions | Empathetic Communication | Imagination | Life Purpose | Life Plan
