Self-esteem: unconditional self-regard. Loving and appreciating yourself no matter what—independent of circumstances, titles, or performance.
Self-efficacy: confidence in your ability to perform a specific skill (acting, math, guitar, facilitation, caregiving, etc.).
People can be extraordinarily skilled and still feel unworthy. Confusing the two keeps you chasing achievements to fix a feeling achievements can’t reach.
When esteem depends on performance, your mood and identity swing with wins and losses. When esteem is unconditional, skills become a place to express who you are—not prove that you’re enough. Results stabilize. Resilience grows.
Primary validation must come from the inside. Still, the outside world reflects value back to you. Notice those signals without becoming dependent on them. The goal is to hold both truths: inner steadiness and awareness of the esteem you receive from others.
Separate the streams (self-esteem vs. self-efficacy)
List three areas where you’re effective (skills).
Write a one-sentence esteem statement that does not reference performance:
“I am worthy of love and respect regardless of outcomes.”
Read it daily before high-stakes tasks.
Your outer mirror (collect reflected esteem)
Ask 3–5 people who know you well: “What do you genuinely appreciate about me?”
Save exact phrases in a note. Revisit when doubt spikes—not as a crutch, but as accurate data.
Envision life with steady self-esteem
Journal one page: If my self-esteem were solid, how would my days look and feel?
Circle one behavior you would do this week (set a boundary, rest without guilt, share work, ask for help).
Why this works: You decouple worth from performance, anchor esteem internally, and let external esteem inform (not define) you. That combination sustains success without self-attack.
Where do you currently tie worth to results?
Which phrase from your “outer mirror” feels most restorative?
What one action will you take this week that expresses unconditional self-regard?
Self-esteem is the ground; self-efficacy is the toolkit. Build the ground first, then use your tools with freedom and consistency.
— Sandro Formica, PhD
Founder of Permanently Happy (questions at [email protected])
Keynote Speaker | Transforming Leaders & Organizations Through Positive Leadership & Personal Branding | Director, Chief Happiness Officer Certificate Program
Happiness Fundamentals | Needs | Values | Talents & Skills | Thoughts & Beliefs | Emotions | Empathetic Communication | Imagination | Life Purpose | Life Plan
