The Beliefs Behind What You Don't Want

Why start with “what I don’t want”

Most people skip this step and try to think “positive.” But clarity about what you don’t want reveals the belief that’s steering your choices. Once the belief is visible, you can upgrade it.

15-Minute Worksheet

1) Map the areas

Make six headers on a page: Work, Love, Family, Friendships, Money, Health/Wellbeing. (Add others if helpful: Learning, Creativity, Spirituality.)

2) List what you don’t want (quick & concrete)

Under each header, write 1–3 specifics you don’t want in your current reality. Keep it factual:

“I don’t trust my friends.”
“We avoid hard conversations.”
“I’m stressed every time I open my bank app.”
“I procrastinate and then rush.”

3) Ask the belief question

For each line, ask: “What belief would make this make sense?”
Write your best guess—one sentence. No need to be perfect.

“True friendship doesn’t exist.”
“If I’m not perfect, I’ll be rejected.”
“Money is scarce and I’ll never have enough.”
“If I try, I’ll look foolish.”

4) Note the origin (one hint is enough)

Where might that belief have come from? A comment from someone you trusted? Repeated experiences? A family motto? Jot one clue:

“Two friends lied in high school.”
“Parent said ‘people only care about themselves.’”
“Grew up hearing ‘money doesn’t grow on trees.’”

5) Choose one belief to upgrade this week

Pick the belief that shows up in more than one area or carries the most emotion.

6) Write a workable upgrade (not fake)

Rephrase the belief into something truer and useful:

From “True friendship doesn’t exist” → “Good friendship is rare and I can build it with small honest steps.”
From “Money is always scarce” → “I can create stability with small consistent moves.”
From “If I’m not perfect, I’ll be rejected” → “Progress and honesty earn trust.”

7) Pair it with one tiny proof (≤10 minutes, today)

Beliefs change through evidence. Choose a micro-action:

Friendship → Send one sincere check-in or invite a 10-minute call.
Love → “Can we talk for 10 minutes tonight about how we’ve been feeling?”
Money → Open the app, label one transaction, move $10 to savings.
Work → Ship a rough draft to a safe person and ask for one note.

8) Log the outcome (one line)

“What happened? How did I feel after?” Keep these proofs—small wins melt old beliefs.

Prompts (steal as needed)

“What belief would have to be true for this pattern to persist?”
“Whose voice taught me that—do I still want it?”
“What’s the 10-minute version I can do today?”

Guardrails

We’re not blaming anyone; we’re updating software.
Go one belief at a time.
If a memory feels overwhelming, pause and consider doing this with a therapist or trusted guide.

What to remember

List what you don’t want. Name the belief that explains it. Upgrade the belief and collect one tiny proof. Change the root, and your daily thoughts and choices start to shift.

— Sandro Formica, PhD

Founder of Permanently Happy (questions at [email protected])

Keynote Speaker | Transforming Leaders & Organizations Through Positive Leadership & Personal Branding | Director, Chief Happiness Officer Certificate Program