Conditioning is what happens when the same thought–belief loop repeats until it becomes your default truth.
Helpful conditioning: “Practice works” → you practice.
Harmful conditioning: “I can’t do this” → you stop trying… and the “truth” hardens.
Over time, conditioned responses trigger so fast you barely notice them. You assume “that’s just how I am.” It isn’t. It’s just familiar.
Researchers placed a pike (a big fish) and its favorite food (minnows) in a tank—separated by a clear glass cylinder. The pike attacked, hit the glass, and kept failing until it stopped trying.
Then the barrier was removed. Food swam freely. The pike, still “certain” it couldn’t get the minnows, never tried again—and eventually died with food all around it.
Negative conditioning works the same way:
You try → hit an invisible barrier (criticism, a bad result, shame).
You conclude “this is impossible/unsafe.”
Even when the barrier is gone, the old belief keeps you from acting.
“I’m not good at drawing.” Told often enough, a child stops trying. Years later, with a bit of curiosity and a single class, they discover they can learn—and even get good. The problem wasn’t talent; it was conditioning.
Look for places where your behavior doesn’t match your goals:
You want to share ideas but stay silent in meetings.
You want to date but “avoid the scene” altogether.
You want to start a project but research forever instead of beginning.
Ask: What “truth” am I assuming here? Where did I learn it? Is it still accurate?
Write one sentence that stops you:
“I’m not creative.”
“People won’t help me.”
“If I try, I’ll look foolish.”
When did this start? A teacher’s comment, a failed attempt, a parent’s worry? You’re not blaming—just locating the origin so it stops feeling like a fact of nature.
Avoid fake positivity. Choose a truer, trainable line:
“Creativity grows with reps.”
“When I ask clearly, I’m often met halfway.”
“Trying in small steps is how skill begins.”
Pick a ≤10-minute action that would be impossible if the old belief were absolute:
Sketch for 10 minutes.
Send one clear request with a when/what.
Ship a messy draft to a safe person.
Write one line: What happened? How did I feel after? Save every small win. Proofs dissolve conditioning.
When you hesitate, ask: “Glass or truth?”
If it’s glass (an old belief), do one tiny step now.
If it’s truth (a real constraint), adjust the plan—not your worth.
One upgrade per week. Don’t overhaul your personality; free one behavior at a time.
Environment cue. Put your upgraded line where the trigger lives (calendar, laptop, gym bag).
After-glow metric. Quick note post-rep: Energy = −2/−1/0/+1/+2. Keep what lifts you.
Where in your life do you suspect a removed barrier—but you still act like it’s there?
What 10-minute experiment will you run today to test a friendlier, more accurate belief?
Which proof from this week deserves to be saved and repeated?
— Sandro Formica, PhD
Founder of Permanently Happy (questions at [email protected])
Keynote Speaker | Transforming Leaders & Organizations Through Positive Leadership & Personal Branding | Director, Chief Happiness Officer Certificate Program
Happiness Fundamentals | Needs | Values | Talents & Skills | Thoughts & Beliefs | Emotions | Empathetic Communication | Imagination | Life Purpose | Life Plan
