Rewrite Childhood Programming

Why look back?

In our earliest years, the “editor” part of the brain (discernment, reasoning) is still coming online. We soak up messages quickly—about safety, love, worth, ability—and treat them like facts. As adults, we can finally ask: Does this belief serve the life I want now?

15-minute exercise: map the origins, then choose your update

1) Collect 3–5 early memories (0–6 years)

They can be tiny moments. Use emotion as a trail back. Jot a sentence for each.

“Dad traveled a lot; I rarely saw him.”
“When I tried new things, I often heard, ‘Don’t— you can’t do that.’”
“Home felt tense; I stayed quiet to avoid trouble.”

Tip: If memory is fuzzy, write what you felt (lonely, invisible, unsafe, too much, too little). Feelings often reveal the scene.

2) Name the belief each memory could have planted

Ask: “If a child lived this, what belief might they absorb?” Write two or three guesses per memory.

“I’m not important.” “I don’t deserve attention.” “I must be perfect to be loved.”
“I can’t.” “It’s dangerous to try.” “Authority can’t be trusted.”

Note how beliefs form from what was done and what wasn’t (absence, silence, inconsistency).

3) Check for echoes in your life now

Where does this belief show up today—work, love, friends, money, self-talk? One line each.

“I overwork to earn approval.”
“I avoid new projects unless I’m certain.”
“I struggle to ask clearly for help.”

4) Decide: keep, revise, or release

For each belief, ask: “Is this helping me feel supported, effective, and at peace?”
Choose one:

Keep (it truly serves me)
Revise (make it more accurate and useful)
Release (replace with a healthier lens)

5) Write your upgraded line (workable, not fake)

From “I’m not important” → “My needs matter, and I can ask clearly.”
From “I can’t” → “I can learn in small steps.”
From “I’m on my own” → “When I ask cleanly, allies appear.”

Place this line where the trigger lives (calendar, laptop, mirror).

6) Pair with one tiny proof (≤10 minutes)

Beliefs change through experience. Choose a micro-action:

Send one clean request with a when/what.
Try a first rep of something new for 10 minutes.
Share one feeling/need with someone safe.

End of day: one line—What evidence showed up that supports my upgraded belief?

Examples (to make it concrete)

Event: Parent absent often
Beliefs formed: “I’m not enjoyable,” “I don’t deserve attention.”
Upgrade: “I’m worth time and care; I can invite connection.”
Proof: Text a friend: “Walk this week? Wed 6pm?”
Event: Repeated “Don’t—you can’t”
Beliefs formed: “I can’t,” “Trying is risky.”
Upgrade: “Small reps make me capable.”
Proof: 10-minute practice block; note one thing you learned.

Guardrails

You’re not blaming caregivers; you’re updating software.
Go gently—one belief at a time.
If a memory feels overwhelming, pause and consider doing this with a therapist or trusted guide.

What to remember

Early experiences wrote some of your lenses. Adult you gets to rewrite them. Name the old belief, craft a truer upgrade, and collect tiny proofs. Change the root, and the daily thoughts and choices start to follow.

— Sandro Formica, PhD

Founder of Permanently Happy (questions at [email protected])

Keynote Speaker | Transforming Leaders & Organizations Through Positive Leadership & Personal Branding | Director, Chief Happiness Officer Certificate Program