We rarely notice it, but the words we use reveal our mindset—and deeply influence how we live. In a previous article, I explored why we should eliminate the word “should” from our vocabulary. It feeds guilt and often paralyzes us instead of propelling us into action.
Today, let’s look at another surprisingly harmful word: “but.”
Why "but" holds you back
If there were a weapon of mass destruction in language, it might be the word but.
What makes but so destructive?
It erases everything that comes before it. It stops momentum and progress.
Think about the phrases you hear (or say) regularly:
- “I would… but…”
- “I’d love to… but…”
- “If only I had… but…”
Each use of but makes life harder. It limits our choices, shrinks our resources, makes happiness feel conditional, and allows mediocrity to become acceptable.
A self-awareness exercise
Try this exercise:
- Write one goal in each of the following life areas:
- Family
- Friendships
- Romantic relationships
- Work
- Finances
- Health
- Personal development
- Listen to the inner voice that reacts. What doubts or limitations arise?
- Now, for each goal, write at least seven “buts” that come to mind.
Chances are, by the end of the exercise, you’ll have uncovered at least 49 limiting thoughts—and probably more.
How do you feel after seeing them all?
Most people report frustration, sadness, helplessness, or even resignation. And in that state, they continue justifying inaction—with more “buts.”
Replace "but" with "and"
Here’s the shift: trade but for and.
- “I want to go for a walk, but it’s cloudy.” → You stay home.
- “I want to go for a walk, and it’s cloudy.” → You grab an umbrella and go.
See the difference? And acknowledges reality without canceling your intention.
Let’s try a bigger example:
- “I want to move to London, but I don’t have the money.” → You feel stuck.
- “I want to move to London, and I don’t have all the money yet.” → You open the door to solutions.
That one word shifts the sentence from resignation to empowerment.
Empower your language
Words don’t just describe our reality—they shape it. Start listening to the language you use every day.
Here’s your challenge:
- Each time you hear yourself use but, pause.
- Replace it with and.
- Try it for three weeks.
Watch how your outlook, decisions, and life begin to change. This one small shift in how you speak can become one of the most empowering language habits you build in daily life.
— Sandro Formica, PhD
Founder of Permanently Happy (questions at [email protected])
Keynote Speaker | Transforming Leaders & Organizations Through Positive Leadership & Personal Branding | Director, Chief Happiness Officer Certificate Program