Permanently Happy

Why needs drive behavior

We choose actions because they meet needs: rest, relief, connection, stimulation, autonomy, competence, and more. The catch? A behavior can meet a real need in an unsustainable way.

Example: Taking a break is a valid need. A cigarette can feel like a break. But over years, that choice harms the body and narrows options. The problem isn’t the need—it’s the strategy.

Upgrade the strategy, keep the need

Once you can name the need, you can swap the behavior. You still get the relief or reset, but through a choice that supports your long-term wellbeing.

Try micro-alternatives for a break:

• Close your eyes for 60 seconds and visualize a calming scene

• Do a short breathing reset or mini-meditation

• Text someone you love for a quick connection

• Step outside and notice five things you can see/hear/feel

The need is met; the action now builds strength instead of draining it.

Needs aren’t just yours

Everyone around you—partners, parents, siblings, friends, coworkers—has needs too. In every interaction, people are trying to meet one or more needs (belonging, respect, clarity, support). Relationships improve when we name and negotiate needs openly:

• Ask: “Which need of yours do you hope gets met in this conversation?”

• Share: “Here’s the need I’m bringing—clarity about next steps.”

• Align: Pick behaviors that meet both sides where possible.

Try it: map your need → behavior swap

1. Name the need. What are you trying to get right before an unhelpful habit (e.g., relief, pause, connection, energy)?

2. List the current behavior. Be specific (e.g., scrolling, snacking, smoking, snapping at someone).

3. Rate sustainability (1–10). How does this choice affect you over months and years?

4. Brainstorm three swaps. Tiny, 1–3 minute actions that meet the same need more sustainably.

5. Choose one default. Practice it this week at the exact trigger moment.

Why this works: Naming the need separates the function (valid) from the strategy (optional). That keeps your dignity intact while making change practical and repeatable.

Reflection

• Which one need drives most of your unhelpful habits?

• What’s one conversation where naming needs (yours and theirs) would reduce friction?

• Which micro-swap will you rehearse until it becomes your new default?

What to remember

Your needs explain your behavior. When a strategy isn’t sustainable, don’t fight the need—upgrade the strategy. That’s the shortest path to habits that make you healthier, stronger, and easier to live with.

— Sandro Formica, PhD

Founder of Permanently Happy (questions at [email protected])

Keynote Speaker | Transforming Leaders & Organizations Through Positive Leadership & Personal Branding | Director, Chief Happiness Officer Certificate Program