The Language of The Heart or of The Ego?
How to Tell Which Voice Is Guiding You—and What to Do About It
The Two Voices We All Have
There are two ways to live your life: from the heart or from the ego.
From your earliest years, we've been trained to think, to reason, to operate from the intellect. That system becomes the default—but it's not the only one.
The ego and the heart both exist within us.
One speaks through language and logic. The other, through feelings and sensations.
One reacts from fear. The other responds from connection.
Learning to tell them apart is the first step toward a more intentional, embodied life.
Research from the HeartMath Institute suggests the heart and brain are in constant dialogue—and that the heart plays a greater role than once believed.
Some studies even show changes in heart rhythms milliseconds before conscious awareness of a stimulus, suggesting the heart may be involved in intuitive processing.
In this sense, the heart doesn't just follow the brain—it helps shape how we perceive and respond.
How the Ego Speaks
The ego's primary function is protection. It memorizes pain and fear and is constantly on the lookout for threats—whether real or imagined.
It speaks the language of defense:
- “I’m not good enough.”
- “What if they don’t approve?”
- “I have to prove myself.”
- “I can’t afford to be wrong.”
You’ll hear the ego through:
- Defensiveness
- Overexplaining
- Suppressing discomfort
- Judging others (or yourself)
What drives it? Fear.
What it wants? Safety, certainty, and control.
How the Heart Speaks
The heart leads with feelings, not formulas. Its function isn’t to keep you safe—it’s to help you grow.
It doesn’t argue. It doesn't justify. It simply speaks in calm, clear sensation.
The heart says:
- “Is this aligned with who I am?”
- “Does this feel expansive?”
- “What would love say here?”
Instead of protecting you from pain, the heart opens you to possibility—even if discomfort is part of the path.
Why This Distinction Matters
Choosing ego-first living means choosing a system based on fear.
It shows up in daily decisions—what you say, what you avoid, and how you disconnect.
The result? You stay reactive, tense, and trapped in outdated patterns.
But when you choose the heart, you choose:
- Expansion over contraction
- Truth over performance
- Awareness over autopilot
You can feel the difference in your nervous system: the ego triggers contraction; the heart initiates openness.
The Neuroscience of Ego vs. Empathy
Neuroscience shows that:
- Ego-driven thoughts activate the default mode network (DMN), associated with self-comparison and rumination
- Heart-based thoughts (compassion, gratitude) activate the insula and ventromedial prefrontal cortex, associated with empathy and emotional regulation
Studies show that practicing compassion-based language can lower cortisol, increase oxytocin, and improve social bonding (Davidson & Lutz, 2008).
How to Shift From Ego to Heart
You don’t have to eliminate the ego. But you can learn not to let it lead.
Try this daily micro-practice:
-
Catch the ego in action.
Notice when you feel defensive, superior, or “not enough.”
-
Pause and name the emotion.
- “This is fear.”
- “This is insecurity.”
- “This is shame.”
Naming defuses its power.
-
Ask a heart-based question.
- “What does this moment need?”
- “What do I want to create, not just protect?”
- “What would love say?”
You’ll notice your posture softens. Your voice slows. Your next words land more truthfully.
Let The Heart Decide
For one week, try making decisions from the heart.
Each day, pause before a decision—big or small.
Place your right hand over your heart. Close your eyes. Ask what the situation requires.
Notice the physical signal:
- Expansion, ease, or warmth: a sign to move forward.
- Contraction, tension, or dullness: a sign to pause or reconsider.
Use the body as a compass. Let the feeling guide the way.
Final Thoughts
You won’t always speak from the heart. That’s okay.
The goal isn’t perfection—it’s awareness.
Because the more you notice, the more power you regain.
Not power over others—but power to live with awareness, authenticity, and emotional depth.
Every moment gives you a choice
- Protect or connect.
- React or feel.
- Contract or expand.
Start with one.
Because the more often you speak the language of the heart, the more fluent you become in your own truth.
— Sandro Formica, PhD
Founder of Permanently Happy (questions at [email protected])
Keynote Speaker | Transforming Leaders & Organizations Through Positive Leadership & Personal Branding | Director, Chief Happiness Officer Certificate Program